My First List

I slept through my flight home and failed to ask anybody about the impact that cell phone use has on the plane's equipment. As fortune would have it though, while riding Newark's luxurious air tran I happened upon a flight attendant. Though she was clearly wearing the uniform of a flight attendant, I felt compelled to ask her if she worked for an airline. Graciously, she didn't respond sarcastically. I then asked her about the cell phones. She said that if certain cell phones are searching for a signal they could interfere with the plane's radar. That seems pretty legit. However, she did confess that the portable electronic devices that we must turn off at the beginning and end of flights are only forbidden at those times because the flight crew wants our undivided attention then. Here I was thinking that the plane somehow used the battery power from those devices during takeoff and landing and that's why we couldn't have them on then. Don't I feel like a horse's patoot-all fly swarmed and littered with hay debris and what have you.

Speaking of animals, check out this list of names for male dogs that I think would be funny:

Jeff- you can't name your dog Jeff. That's a dude's name.

Coldcuts- huh? Good boy Coldcuts, good boy!

Spare Key- Not to be confused with Sparky- and no, I'm not just looking around my apartment for objects to help fill this list. There are no coldcuts, nor Jeff's in my living space.

Three quarters empty box of now stale Frosted Mini-Wheats- So maybe I am using some household objects, but merely as jumping off points.

Polio- If you're gonna name your dog after a disease one would think Jaundice would be the most cuddly choice.

Turtle- Pretty much any other type of animal makes for a funny dog's name unless it somehow fits. For example, naming a fat dog hippo isn't funny because it kind of makes sense, similarly naming a chihuahua Elephant isn't funny because it's "so ironic." However, naming a yellow lab "panther" is side-splitting.

There are no other potentially funny names for male dogs. I hope you enjoyed my exhaustive list.