Be Mine

I woke up this morning feeling as though I’d been struck by cupid’s arrow. As it turns out though I was merely punctured by a thumbtack that must have been in my bed. Thanks for nothing bulletin-board fairy. Valentine’s Day is really a divisive day in our society. Seemingly just as many people love to hate it as those who actually buy into it. ‘Buy’ being the operative word. Last year I went all out with a homemade arts and craft-style gift for my girlfriend that required as much effort as I’ve put into any one creation in recent memory. I really hit the jackpot with it. She couldn’t have loved it more. Great as that gift was, it leaves me in somewhat of bind for this year. I can’t really top what I did last year from a sweet/sentimental standpoint. Something tells me the whole “I didn’t want to tarnish the gift from last year with something sub-par so I didn’t get you anything” reasoning might not be fully appreciated. Unfortunately, being the “creative-type” I really ought to be able to come up with something good seeing as how I’ve had a year to brainstorm. Damn you creativity. I’m hardly concerned though because Alison is sure to appreciate the thought no matter what. Right baby?

Speaking of my wonderful girlfriend, we were out to dinner this weekend at Penelope, our favorite spot in her neighborhood. Our waiter Lukus left us quite an amusing note on our check. Nice guy that he is, he wrote “have an uber-fantastic night!” At first I thought he had even made the u into a smiley face, but now I realize that Lukus must be a stickler for proper accenting and those were merely sloppy umlauts. I wonder how often Lukus is moved to wish people an uber-fantastic night. When he was totaling our bill and getting ready to bring it over to us, did he ask himself, what kind of a night do I want these guys to have? A wonderful night? No that’s far too ordinary. An ultra-magnificent night perhaps? Nah. A mega-delightful night? Not exactly. An uber-fantastic night? Precisely! I want these guys to have an uber-fantastic night! I can understand wanting to mix things up to keep the job interesting, but c’mon Lukus, that’s an absurd note to leave your customers. Next time Alison and I eat there and Lukus is working, I might have to tell him that thanks to his note we did indeed end up having a night that was nothing short of uber-fantastic. On second thought that would probably land an uber-loogie in my sandwich. Regardless, I highly recommend dining at Penelope and sitting in Lukus’ section for a dining experience guaranteed to be extra-amazing.

I haven’t seen the highly acclaimed gates at Central Park yet, but I’m already willing to go on record saying that they’re vastly overrated. Big deal. A bunch of metal gates draped with orange cloth. Wow. That sounds really beautiful. Way to pick a unique color Christo and Jeanne-Claude. I’ve never seen some orange stuff before. According to the artists the 7,500 16 ft. high gates spaced 12 feet apart over 23 miles of the park will be a “golden ceiling creating warm shadows'' for pedestrians. I hate to break it to you guys, but shadows aren’t warm. They’re cold. And it’s already winter, so thanks for making everyone freeze their ass off. What’s that you say, viewed from buildings surrounding the park, “ ‘The Gates’ will seem like a golden river appearing and disappearing through bare branches of the trees.'' A golden river, huh? Well I don’t know about you two, but I live in a little place I like to call reality and there’s no such thing as a golden river, so quit yanking our chains.

That paragraph was written in the voice of a character I’m developing for possible future use called Mr. No Appreciation For Art Guy. Personally, I think the gates will be cool. Besides the post said that the city went “ga-ga” for them and Post headlines tend to hit the nail on the head.

On a really random note I think one of the most underrated items one can own is a decent pair of binoculars. In fact they’re so awesome I can hardly stand it. I’m being 100% sincere. Perhaps I’ve just solved my Valentine’s Day quandary.

I want to invent something called Albinoculars. In addition to magnifying images albinoculars will make images appear without normal skin pigmentation. Let the bidding commence potential investors.

I hope that Valentine's Day makes you happy not depressed. Hershey kisses and sweethearts to all.