Can I have the definition and my childhood back please?

How bout those walking talking Oxford dictionaries over at the 78th annual Scripps national spelling bee? I bet those kids would dominate on my old Speak ‘n Spell. Remember those? The final two spellers were a cocky 11 year-old 6th grader named Samir Sudhir Patel and a collected, consistent 13 year old 8th grader named Anurag Kashyap. What, were you expecting a Jimmy Smith or something? Perhaps former NYPD Blue star Jimmy Smits? People stereotype Asians as being excellent at math, but a blanket statement like that is misleading. Rather, we should be more specific, starting with this: Southern Asians can flat out spell. Samir appeared unbeatable as he cruised into the final two. On several of his turns, when only four spellers remained, Samir shouted “yes!” excitedly when his word was announced, indicating that he knew the word. Another time when he was given the word ‘onychophagy,’ he asserted: “habitual chewing of the nails, right.” Two years ago as a nine year old, Samir finished third in the competition. When I was nine I spent countless hours trying to catch leaves as they fell from tree branches. (My friend Erik and I actually kept a tally of the leaves we caught over the years, and in third or fourth grade we nabbed our thousandth, which we caught together and saved in a plastic baggy.) Shockingly, Samir stumbled in the 18th round when he moronically thought the word roscian-meaning of, pertaining to, or involving acting (duh?)- was spelled rossian. How laughable is that? Anurag then nailed appoggiatura-a sweet melody (sorry to insult your intelligence) and ran off the stage, tears of euphoria streaming down onto proud father’s shoulder. The AP just posted an article about the competition and in the second paragraph they inform you that Anurag is a straight-A student. You don’t say? I would have thought that the fact that he is disciplined enough to spend 8 hours a day memorizing the dictionary, not to mention he can immediately recognize root words from countless languages of origin would translate into a solid C+ average for Anurag. Shows how much I know.

I’m definitely going to place a bet next year in Vegas on Samir to hoist the ’06 trophy. I’d encourage you to follow suit, but then you’d be taking away from my winnings with your odds manipulation. So don’t even think about it. Seriously, that’s not cool. Get your grubby hands off my cash.

On the subway yesterday somebody posted several homemade fliers advertising employment opportunities for Spanish speaking workers. ($300/wk part-time and $600/wk full-time, first car on the manhattan bound L train if anybody other than me is interested.) One of the fliers was taped over a panel featuring an advertisement for HIV prevention or testing or information- I couldn’t tell because the flier obscured a crucial part of the advertisement. I couldn’t help but think that whoever put up the homemade flier really must think the work they are hiring for is awfully important to cavalierly post over an HIV related ad like that. Either that or the person putting up the fliers no hablad ingles. Hablad is spanglish past tense meaning spoke. However, I’m pretty sure since HIV is VIH in Spanish, the eager employer could’ve put dos y dos together. All I know is that if I ever make homemade fliers to post on the subway, I will make sure that any ads I’m posting my fliers over are for diseases less serious than HIV. And that’s a promise.

Did you know if you rearrange the letters of Thursday you get R Thy Sad? Plus you have an extra u leftover and that’s just for you. Fun with words. Neat, huh? I bet thee isn't sad anymore.