Dop It Like It's Hot

Well, well, well if it isn’t my old friend June. I grew up with a girl named June. I think it’s interesting that some months are deemed acceptable girl’s names, while others don’t make the cut. I’d like to meet an October. I’d even settle for an Octubre. I’ve met a January, plenty of April’s and June’s, probably a May or two, but I think that’s it. I know Summer’s too. Maybe they just go by Summer but their real names are July or August, or the beginning of June or the better part of September. If my parents named me September I think I’d probably go by a catchy nickname like “30 days hath” or something.

If any of you guys ever find yourself invited to roast musical artist Seal, feel free to use this: You’ve been kissed by a Rose, eh? Looks more like you sucked face with the whole thorny bush. But seriously, this guy’s mug makes the moon’s surface look smoother than a Colt 45. Why don’t you do us all a favor and jump in a tank at Sea World and start balancing a ball on your nose with your kin. Not to worry, I’ll look after Heidi for you, if you know what I mean (double pelvic thrust.)

I don’t really have any beef with Seal. I realize what with the name and the complexion he’s an easy target, but the man is rich and famous and married to Heidi Klum, so there’s no need to feel overly protective of him.

I call Dop Kits Dop Kits, not toiletry bags or whatever else people call them. Be that as it may, I must admit that I don’t know what dop are. Logic would dictate dop is a synonym or slang word for toiletries. I think it’s pretty cool that dop is plural. From now on when I’m making a checklist prior to packing for a trip I’m going to list dop on there. Maybe it’s shorthand for toiletries. I don’t know anybody who knows shorthand. Is it a code or just an abbreviated version of words as they are? So I checked it out on the worldwideweb and apparently shorthand is sort of a combination of codes (curved line to represent th sounds, dashes for vowels, different length lines mean different things etc.) and phonetic abbreviations (gh, ph and ff would all be signified by a single f.) Apparently in 1922 somebody wrote 350 words per minute over two minutes writing in shorthand. I want to read a book or take a course or something. The skills section on my resume could stand to be padded and I can’t imagine any more sought after qualification in the workforce today than a creative young man who knows his shorthand.

Shouldn’t popsicle sticks be made out of a less splinter-friendly material? Why not use fragile glass instead, dumb popsicle-making jerks? Why is Microsoft telling me to capitalize popsicle? It’s not happening.

When they made the print alphabet wouldn't it have been easier just to make all the lower-case letters smaller versions of the capitals? If exercising creativity was so important, why aren't all the lower case letters unique? I wish I could draw my proposed new versions of lower case c,k, m, n, o, p, s, u, v, w, x, and z but I don't have blogger sketch pad downloaded. Rest assured though that they are all pretty awesome.

Don’t forget to turn those calendar pages, pay that rent and never stop being the best you that you can be.