VNTY PLT

Word to the wise: If you are going to get a vanity plate-which you never ever should- (zzz's excluded Thomas) make sure you leave no room for misunderstanding. Today while driving back from the dentist's office (no cavities, thank you very much) I saw a car with the license plate I AM SPCL. A vanity plate should not be like a Wheel of Fortune puzzle. The obvious interpretation of this vanity plate is I am special. However, there were no handicapped stickers on the plate. That's in poor taste, Adam. I realize that there is limited space, but SPCL could be any number of words. Perhaps Sean Penn was driving the car and his license plate stood for I am Spicoli. (Though given his work in I am Sam, I guess special would work too.) Perhaps the car belonged to a laundry enthusiast who really identifies with the SPin CycLe. Maybe it was just a guy named Sylvester Philbert Cooper-Lewis. Or maybe the person driving is using her vanity plate as a personal add and wanted passersby to know that she is a Single Parent, Caucasian and Leo-sounds like a delicious combination. Bottom line: if you must get a vanity plate, and of course you never must, but if you do, don't try to get too cute with it. If you think you want a personalized plate but can't figure out what to get, I would suggest the one size fits all vanity plate D-Bag. On a more philosophical level, what do you think people are trying to say when they get vanity plates? Are they for the person or are they for other motorists? You gotta think the irony of seeing MY LLCAR on the back of your Range Rover wears off after the fifth of sixth time you yourself see it. I suppose then that Vanity Plates are the mildest form of entertainment for others, giving people a little reading material while they're stuck in traffic or on a long drive. Kind of like seven letter bumper stickers...that always suck. I think it's safe to say that topic is officially beaten to a bloody pulp, whatever bloody pulps are.

Rick Steves writes travel books. Rick Dees hosts the weekly top 40 radio countdown. I wonder who would do the other's job better. I think I would probably rather listen to Rick Dees travel advice than hear Rick Steves read a sappy letter before putting on some brokenhearted fan's request and dedication of Mike and the Mechanic's The Living Years. I bet Dees travels in style.

My dog is so fat that she doesn't even get fazed by the electric shock from the invisible fencing recently put up around our yard. She needs trimspa or something. She's gotta start eating Kibbles and Fits. Hey-oh!

Anyone in need of new cereal to try, I couldn't recommend Quaker's Oatmeal Squares more highly. Unbelievable 3-D cubic/trapezoidal shape, fantastic crunchiness and the subtlest sweetness that never overwhelms your palate make this my bowl of the Spring. I might just be the next Wilfred Brimley with that kind of endorsement.

Back to NYC tomorrow. I'm crossing my fingers that Tran-Sition, Air Tran's in flight magazine is as much of a page turner as I last recall.

Here's hoping each and every one of you has your own safe "return flight from Akron/Canton to LaGuardia" in your own spcl way.