Potpourri of thoughts

If you see somebody run into a grocery store exasperated, grab just a six pack of toilet paper and then act all fidgety while he waits in line, wouldn't the considerate thing be to let him go in front of you if you've got many items? Consideration only gets you so far though, and seeing a grown man crap his pants is a memory that lasts a lifetime. Fortunately, a second register opened up and me and my quilted northern made it home not a moment too soon.

How's everyobody doing today? I think from now on I'm going jump right into a story of near self-defecation before offering up my daily pleasantries. Won't that be nice?

So I got to observe 3 of Michael's social studies classes yesterday. The assignment of the day entailed the kids drawing battle plans as part of the revolutionary war. In addition to mapping out the plan of attack, the kids had a pricelist of supplies with which they could equip their 10,000 troops. One item listed was food for the soldiers. One kid asked Michael what kind of food it was. Michael said it could be anything the kid wanted. Excited at this rare opportunity for carte blanche, another kid raised his hand: "could it be like pork chops and chicken...and ooh, ooh, some spaghettiOs!" Michael chose to ignore this kid. I had to turn around so that nobody saw me cracking up. Perhaps you had to be there.

I think that would be a funny line to throw on the end of a stand up joke that bombs-particularly when it isn't at all applicable. For instance:

Why is it that if you are good at pool and cards you are considered a shark? I bet sharks suck at both. Besides, they shouldn't be playing either as far as I'm concerned seeing how water will damage the felt on the table-both the pool table and the card table-not to mention the cards will get all soggy. Plus we all know that dogs are the good card players. As far as pool is concerned I think humans are the best. That guy is a real pool human. Now that would be intimidating...okay, guess you had to be there.

Look for that to accent an upcoming failed joke by me at a venue near you.

Is there a dumber invention than the overwrite function on a keyboard? Whenever you accidentally hit it or select it in Microsoft word does it not strike you that there are no circumstances in which this is a useful tool? I would rather there be a "shfl" key on the keyboard that shuffles all of the keys in a random way such that each time you hit it, every key takes on a different assignment than what it is labeled. So when you press the T for example, a % appears on screen, and so on. The biggest pain in the ass about the shfl key would be that since all the keys have new assignments, you can't just press the shfl key again to undo the function because the shfl key now represents something else (probably either caps lock or w-just a hunch). The shfl key would be pretty stupid, agreed? Yet still I'd prefer it to the ovr function. Take that overwrite function!

One of my biggest pet peeves is people who are rude to waiters and waitresses. Who do these people think they are? Anyone who talks down to servers is pretty much a bad person as far as I am concerned. One of my particular pet peeves within this larger pet peeve is how these people feel the need to remind servers of their mistakes or sometimes they feel the need to tell other servers of mistakes that a different server made. The most classic example of this, which played out next to me today, is rather than asking for something that they might have ordered, they point out that they had already asked for it. Why say "I had asked for some whole wheat toast too." when "Could I get some whole wheat toast please?" will get you the whole wheat toast just the same-probably even faster and without some of their back sweat spread all over it. This is more a commentary than a funny observation. I just get so fired up about people being obnoxious to servers. It's not too late to change your ways, rude customers. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of April.

One thing you see in movies and tv (or at least Scooby-Doo) that I've never seen in real life but would love to, is somebody mistakenly thinking that somebody else is in disguise and consequently trying to rip off that person's real moustache or head of hair. If I saw that happen in real life while sipping a beverage I bet I would do a spit-take. Naturally occurring spit-takes are something else.

Alright friends, this Thursday is dedicated to you.