What's in a nickname?

Unemployment tends to lead to longer showers. Far too often our showers are cut short because we are operating under time constraints. The unemployed shower gives you the chance to fully relax and enjoy the warm water while you think "what the hell am I going to do when I get out of here?" No concern for conserving hot water for your roommate who needs to take the next shower, no concern for arriving late to the office. Pruny skin could eventually become a concern, but I think you'd have to take one heckuva long shower to get wrinkly.

Switching gears, if you were entered in a thumb wrestling tournament and your opponent's nickname was "green thumb" would you:

a. assume the name means that he's new to thumb wrestling
b. think that he knows his way around the garden
c. wonder if perhaps he's fond of guacamole flavored Doritos despite the stain they leave on one's digits
or
d. not fall into his trap of trying to size him up as a novice, a self-fancied horticulturist, or an artificially flavored snack chip enthusiast knowing that this distraction is all he needs to uncurl his index finger and pin you like the cheap-maneuver-utilizing-bastard that he is?

Your answer to this one question actually reveals more about your personality type than any Briggs-Meyer personality type bull. (I think the fact that with contextual clues the word bull can be understood to mean bullshit is horse.)

If you answered a. you are not only an optimist, you are an optometrist. Deny it all you want, but you were born to dilate pupils.

If you answered b. and own a trowel you are prone to seeking hypothetical thumb wrestling opponents with whom you share hobbies. If you answered b. and do not own a trowel you should buy a trowel and accept the fact that you are prone to seeking hypothetical thumb wrestling opponents with whom you share hobbies.

If you answered c. you are an ESFPT- an extrovert, sensation, feeling, perceiving terrible snack chip eater.

If you answered d. You are sewn of the finest moral fiber. You are confident yet humble. Your sensitivity and self-awareness complement your perceptiveness and your perpetual curiosity in the most flattering manner. While you are extremely trustworthy, you have a healthy distrust of others-not so much as to make you a cynic per se, but the wool is not easily pulled over your eyes. Except if you have trouble sleeping and wear one of those masks to block out all the light and it is made of wool, which I can only imagine would be insanely itchy, but if that’s your thing than that’s cool and then I suppose you pull the wool over your own eyes on a nightly basis. You are outgoing and easily befriend others, principally due to your ability to listen to people when you sense they want to get something off their chest, and to speak when conversations lag. Not to mention, I just pinned you, sucka! You were so busy soaking up all these compliments that you let your guard down and I just advanced to the next round. 1, 2, 3: game, set, match. Better luck next year!

LONG LIVE GREEN THUMB!

I hope you hear consecutive songs from your favorite artist of all time on the radio today.

Have a gem of Tuesday.