Shades

Even though you can get prescription sunglasses, nobody calls people who wear sunglasses "four-eyes." Maybe it's because sunglasses are cool. If you have thick glasses and people tease you about them, get some prescription shades and then instead of getting razzed, people will think you look like a movie star. Except for me, I'm going to start calling everybody I see wearing sunglasses four eyes. Unless they have croakies attached to their sunglasses. Then I'll call them responsible. Also, why is it more acceptable to make fun of somebody whose vision is somewhat impaired but it's totally taboo to make fun of people who cannot see at all? Basically I’m just looking for the green light to tease blind people here. Not really, but seriously people where do we draw the line?

I just got some sunglasses yesterday off of the street. Actually, I purchased them from a vendor set up on the street corner. I didn't just pick them up off the ground. That would be gross, especially since the bridge of your nose is such an epicenter for skin disease contraction. (Look it up) Seemingly every pair of sunglasses you buy these days, no matter how cheap, transparent and non-functional they may be, have stickers on the lens boasting 100% UV protection. UV protection capabilities aren't a joking matter. That's bad karma shitty sunglass vendors. People could blind themselves staring at the sun under false protection pretenses and it would be your fault for affixing that sticker. Are you prepared to walk this earth with that weight on your conscience? Trust me, lots of bootleg sunglass vendors visit this site so it makes sense that I would address this issue in this space.

I will be shocked if I don't lose or break my sunglasses before June. Every Friday, I'll write an update about their condition. If I ever get really busy on a Friday and my post for that day consists entirely of my sunglass condition update that will be a very disappointing post.

I just had a conversation with my friend Roy. We decided that trick candles don't get nearly enough credit for being absolutely incredible. However, we agreed that the technology or whatever you want to call it, behind trick candles ought to be applied to better ends. Perhaps a bomb that constantly re-explodes or something good like that. (Multiple explosion bombs are unquestionably better than frustrating cake decorations in my book.)

I already put my sunglasses on so I need to go outside so that I can no longer be an asshole. I hope that this weekend is not the weekend to end all weekends, because I think a majority of people enjoy weekends and their termination would probably be greeted with a lot of resentment and despair. So have a good weekend, but don't ruin it for the rest of us.