Devouring The News

On the New York Times website they have a self-promotional ad that begins by showing a picture of a delicious looking egg sandwich on a croissant with the text “$2.90 a day” above the warm, buttery and flaky sandwich. Then the graphic switches to a picture of an issue of the Times with a text that reads “as little as $2.90 a week.” So what you’re telling me is that rather than eating my delicious French pastry, egg and cheese breakfast, I should just subscribe to your newspaper? Newspaper is hardly part of a balanced breakfast. I don’t know that I’m convinced that you’re looking out for my best interest. Granted the croissant egg and cheese would be a high cholesterol breakfast if I had it every day, but your prestigious paper is hardly an adequate substitute. Besides, if I’m on the Times webpage, I’m already getting my fix of news. As much as I long for the newsprint on my fingers, I think I’d prefer the grease of the buttery soft croissant. Breakfast is arguably the most important meal of the day. Don’t discourage me from starting my day off with a little protein. If you want me to spend $2.90 a week to subscribe to your paper, fine, but maybe you should suggest I cut out something from my budget more relevant to buying a newspaper than breakfast. Something like a picture of an electric company bill with the text reading: “$1.42 to watch just the local news every day for a week.” Then people realize for just over twice as much a week they could get the same information plus crossword puzzles. So maybe that wasn’t the best example. All I’m trying to say is stop encouraging eating disorders New York Times. In your ideal world nobody would spend any money on food and they would just buy your paper instead and then with any extra money they save up they would get the Sunday Edition which costs something like $20 per issue (at least.)

This isn’t the way to solve our obesity epidemic. Stop trying to brainwash the masses. In a radical shift I must admit though that newspapers have to be the best value out there, especially a quality local paper not in New York City which typically cost a quarter. 25 cents for hours of reading material. What a bargain! That reminds me of the last paper I bought for a quarter. It was the Akron Beacon Journal. On the front page of the Arts section they had dual movie reviews of Will Ferrell’s Kicking and Screaming. The first review, penned by their featured movie critic, described Ferrell as a “general all-around” something or other twice within the short article. The second review, which landed on the front page of the section too was written by the featured movie critic’s 10 year old son. And it’s not as if the boy is a prodigy. I guess sometimes you get what you pay for. I’ll try to dig up the paper in my room tomorrow to dish out some quotes. Until then you’ll just have to use your imagination.

In Jamaica on Mondays do men drink free?