Homophone Challenge
Big Rejection show tonight at 8pm. It’s still early in the day so right now I’d say I have caterpillars in my stomach. Our basketball team won last night. We finished the year undefeated!… the calendar year that is- watch out I’m sneaky like that. Did you guys enjoy the rarely utilized exclamation point-ellipses combo in that last sentence? I guess I’m feeling adventurous today. Anyhow, the guys on the opposing team were actually really nice gents so basketball action aside the game was an incredible bore. I think as far as homophones go bore and boar have to be among the most distinct. (I initially called these two words homonyms but upon dictionary consultation learned that homonyms have to be spelled the same. Who said my blog wasn't educational?) Think about the images conjured by “an incredible bore” vs. “an incredible boar.” One inspires a yawn, the other inspires awe with his upward curving tusks, nocturnal lifestyle tailored to his keen sense of hearing and poor eyesight. Moreover you’re intrigued by the matriarchical group of 20 he lives in-his “sounder.” Don’t even try to act like that’s not exactly what comes to mind when you imagine an incredible boar. All I’m trying to say is that bore v. boar creates a more striking contrast than mail v. male, bear v bare and pretty much the vast majority of homophones. I’d be delighted to hear an argument for more disparate homophones. I think this is the first time I’ve thrown the gauntlet down for Believe the Hyphen readers. Good luck.
Tonight at the rejection show I’m going to explore New Year’s Resolutions from my past that I’ve rejected. I’ve just now started to follow through with my commitment to stop naming all of my Microsoft word documents in a way that is either some lame play on words, deliberately misspells words or breaks words up in an unorthodox way, all to amuse myself at the cost of never being able to find anything I’ve ever written. To give you an example, if I saved some stuff for July’s rejection show I might save that document as Jewel Eye/Re: Jeck Shinsho. How stupid is that? Yet up until recently I couldn’t save something as a straightforward title. It was my min-form of OCD. It’s getting better though. I appreciate the concern.
This is something I’m rejecting from tonight’s rejection show. It’s a list of some produce items the original Frosty the snowman builder rejected before settling on the carrot for Frosty’s nose:
Lettuce
Bunch o’ Grapes
Watermelon
One alfafa sprout
Baby carrots
Don’t worry I won’t make a habit of posting stuff here that I deem too unfunny for live audiences. Jolly Wednesday to you all.
posted by ACK @ 1:04 PM
7 Comments:
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What about oral and aural? What's the deal with that? It sounds the same, yet one pertains to the mouth and the other to the ear. Or what about heroin and heroine? Thanks, inventors of the English language.-Soonsheenay
What about Clutz and Fuzz? One is a person who bumps into stuff while walking and the other is an accumulation of random dirt particles that end up in your belly button.
Ooo, ooo, I've got one. Fun and Phone. How weird is that? One is an enjoyable thing and the other is what you use to call people that aren't close by. Crazy huh?
Oh, pick me, pick me. I know, I know. Kleptomaniac and Robber. One is someone who steals things all the time and the other is someone who steals things. They're like, exactly the same thing. They must be homophobes. Weird.
I got another one, I got another one. How about Rudabega and Rhubarb? Not only do they both start with "R", but they're both pies my grandma makes for Chanukah. Man, those are my favorite homopheranomes.
Although it may not be powerful as Boar and Bore, there is quite a disparity when I picture, on one hand, Noah saving the entire animal kingdom on his ARK, and on the other, Noah leading his high school to the 2304 BC Mount Ararat Divison II Small Boy Basketball title with a 7-9 shooting performance from beyond the 3-point ARC.
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