In a powerful display of the idleness of my threats I checked my email after that latest post and lo and behold two evites awaited me. I guess the powers that be really called my bluff on this one. So yesterday I perused an issue of Cosmo at my girlfriend's apartment. Talk about some eye-opening reading. One of the features is called Cosmo Weekend. In this particular edition of Cosmo Weekend there is a list of 5 Foxy New Years Moves that are alleged to ensure that your 2005 will kick ass. Check out #1:

Declare A Date Night
Make Friday Night the official date night for you and your man, but instead of romance focus on fun. At dinner open the menu, close your eyes, point and say "I'll have this."

Boy oh boy Cosmo writer, do you know how to have a good time or what? I know I enjoy myself tremendously when I pay for a food item that my girlfriend may or may not like whatsoever-not that I always pay being a feminist and all. When did Cosmo adopt such a no holds barred thrill seeking attitude? What's next, play eeny meeny miney mo to select desert...no cheating! Walk along the new release aisle at blockbuster with your eyes closed (no peeking!) and randomly stop, reach for a rental and watch it. If you've seen it before or you start watching it and you hate it, just keep watching...remember the focus is on fun not romance.

Other highlights from my page flipping included advice to girls on picking up that hot guy at the party. First tell him he looks like this one celebrity whose name you can't think of right now. He's sure to be flattered. That will lead into a discussion of film and music that you enjoy. Smoothly transition that into the not so subtle "I've heard that (insert hit movie here) is really great." Hopefully he'll read between the lines and invite you to go see it. My question to Cosmo is this: If you keep dishing out such foolproof advice for single women in no time they'll find themselves in satisfying relationships and then they might not need your advice anymore...though I suppose there's always room in a relationship for wacky ideas to keep things fun like randomly choosing which day of the month birth control pill you take on a given night. And if it's just a reminder pill when you should be taking the real one? Big deal, it's more important to prove to your boyfriend that you can be spontaneous and have fun. And don't forget Cosmo makes for a great name for unexpected baby boys.

UPS just came to deliver my grandfather's annual box of stocking stuffers. Here is a complete list of the contents of the box:

4 vending machine sized bags Snyder Mini pretzels

1 can Reduced Fat Original Pringles

2 Cans Campbell’s Condensed Tomato Soup

8 packages Austin's cheese crackers with Peanut Butter

1 travel size bottle Aquafresh Extreme Clean toothpaste

1 travel size can edge Advanced shaving gel (sensitive skin, w/aloe)

3 mini packs lifesavers (5 per roll)

1 labeled ziplock bag containing 10 Walgreens honey lemon cough drops

1 ziplock bag containing roughly 10 oz. gorp (raisin, assorted nuts, m&m's)

1 ziplock bag containing roughly four handfuls caramel corn

1 paperback copy of Uncle John's Unstoppable Bathroom Reader

Thank you Poppa Ed. Aquafresh extreme clean toothpaste is actually our apt.'s toothpaste of choice. Also, you have pretty much multiplied the snack food factor in this apartment twenty-fold. Notable omissions from this years stocking package found in last year's package include but aren't limited to: 1 bottle Ken's balsamic vinaigrette salad dressing, 3 cups apple sauce, 1 jar salsa and 1 jar peanut butter. Time for a lovely lunch of cheese and peanut butter crackers dipped in tomato soup followed by a lengthy toothbrushing with Aquafresh extreme clean. Tis the season.