Solace for Rudolph

Just returned from the show of the year. You guessed it, The New York State Department of Labor Employment Slideshow. What a show it was. 36 text-only slides enthusiastically narrated, by which I mean read verbatim, by Sam, one of the Department's rising stars. The windowless beige walled room, undersized school style chair-desks and conservatively estimated 95-degree room temperature only added to the powerfulness of the presentation. After the slideshow Sam and I met for a brief one on one consultation. I was shocked to learn that Sam has contacts in neither the comedy nor the television production worlds. In hindsight, circling this date on my calendar with the note "meeting to launch career into highest level" may have been overzealous. Alas, I'll have to keep hunting on my own.

Now some Holiday themed content:

Everybody knows about Rudolph and his red nose, but as it turns out each of Santa's other 8 reindeer have anatomical abnormalities all their own. Here is a list of the reindeer and their less scrutinized "unique" physical characteristics. Maybe people will stop ostracizing Rudolph now. DASHER-genital antlers

DANCER-bum knee

PRANCER- loose tail

VIXEN-sea-lion fur coated underbelly

COMET-mini-koosh-ball shaped calcium deposit on chin

CUPID-atrocious posture

DONNER (a/k/a DONDER)- "new car odor" breath

BLITZEN- insane full body dandruff

Feeling better Rudolph? Don't let Blitzen feed you that "it's just snow" line ever again. I bet you can't wait now for one of those freaks to start teasing you about your rosy honker.

Comedy Central currently claims to be airing the 50 greatest episodes of Mad TV. That's akin to Wayne's girlfriend buying him a gun rack in Wayne's World. Is there a single episode that's even watchable in it's entirety? Me-thinks not.

For real though, you should totally come to my show tonight. Please? C'mon. I promise to make you laugh at least thrice. Hump Night @UCB Theatre, 26th street between 8th and 9th Aves. 11pm. Free. Don't fight it. Good day.