Four Things

IV. If you're going to ask a neighbor to borrow their plunger, you might as well just ask them if you can have it. I think it's safe to say that neither party wants to deal with that awkward return exchange.

III. Who is the target audience for signs that advertise by asking, "Want to Learn English?"

II. Retro things are so cool these days that I think pretty soon people are going to start naming their babies vintage names. Want a pacifier, Earl? Can you say Mommy, Mildred? Hush little Ralph don't say a word. You get the picture.

IIa. I tried to rent a car from Hertz and my confirmation code was 11 numbers and letters long. C'mon Hertz, that's too much. Maybe make it 7 digits long and run the risk of recycling some of the codes you used back in the 80's. Ten billion plus code possibilities seem foolishly optimistic. You guys just don't move that many vehicles. (Especially given the post OJ fallout)

I. An urn on the mantle makes for an interesting discussion piece. When people ask you about it here are some fun response options:

Shrug your shoulders.

Say a name, like Carter and then when they begin to ask who that is put your index finger on their lips and shush them while slowly shaking your head.

"Landlords ancestor."

"John Candy's abdomen...eBay...too much."

Did the roman numerals give this otherwise useless list a greater sense of importance? As for the relationship between items II and IIa, that is one of those things that you need to determine for yourself. I'm not always going to be here to spoon-feed you. But rest assure all of my spoon-feeding is done airplane style with incredible sound effects and turbulent landings often leading to chipped teeth.

Time to go tell some real jokes.

Enjoy your free cell phone minutes tonight.