The labor of my fruits or something like that

Friday and stuff! Here are jokes of mine that you won't see featured during the monologue nor the Happy Ending News segment on tonight's Friday Night With Greg Giraldo on Comedy Central at 8:30/7:30 central. Enjoy these justifiably rejected chucklers.

A principal at a high school in Uniondale New York, made an unprecedented move when he canceled prom- citing financial decadence as his chief reason for putting a kibosh on the end of the year event. The good news is…in addition to saving on the cost of prom dresses, and limo rentals, Uniondale parents will also get to pocket that abortion money.

30 years after he shot to fame in the Oscar winning film Rocky, actor Sylvester Stallone is climbing back in the ring to make a sixth Rocky. The new movie entitled “Rocky Bolboa” will show Rocky as an ageing, lonely has-been in Philadelphia who is reluctant to come out of retirement… A stark contrast to Stallone himself, who is an ageing, lonely has-been who is desperate to come out of retirement.

In the film Rocky’s biggest fight will come against heavyweight champ Mason “the line” Dixon- in real life it will come from the complete implausibility of the 60 year-old Stallone as a competitive boxer.

Oprah Winfrey is offering a $100,000 reward for information that leads to the arrest of accused child predators. 48 hours after their pictures were shown on an Oprah episode, two wanted child molesters were arrested thanks to viewer tips...Oprah's clearly taking a very heavy handed approach to fighting these criminals, though in a few months you can expect her approach to be noticeably less heavy, then probably heavier again, then not too heavy, but still definitely big boned.

Another week, another cheap shot at a woman taking a stand against child predation. What noble work I have chosen. Take some vitamins and maybe your weekend will be strenghtened.