And If You Don't Know, Now You Know..Man
Check out this story from the wire:
One person is dead and three are gravely ill following a tequila drinking competition in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic. Officials said Ricardo Ivan Garcia, 21, drank more than 50 shots of tequila Sunday night at a disco and won the drinking contest. He died shortly after the event. A prosecutor said the man died of apparent heart failure brought on by alcohol poisoning. Three other contestants remained in serious condition in a hospital Monday night. The prize for the winner of the contest was 10,000 pesos or about $330.
Here are some possible headlines for this tragically predictable and therefore slightly hilarious story:
ONE WAY TO AVOID A HANGOVER
WHEN WINNING IS REALLY LOSING
THE BEST COFFIN $330 CAN BUY
NOT LIKELY TO DEFEND HIS CROWN
GOING OUT ON TOP
LITERALLY ALL YOU CAN DRINK
How about this quote from the departing CBS news anchor Dan Rather admitting that the some of the attacks he's endured over the years have hurt him:
"No rhinoceros has a hide so thick that some well-placed, hard-thrown, pointed spear can't get under it."
What do you figure one gains with the rhino analogy there? Do you think that quote suggests that Dan is a rhino-sympathizer or implicates him as a seasoned rhino hunter? I bet he's slayed a beast or four.
Today is the 8th anniversay of the death of Christopher Wallace a.k.a The Notorious B.I.G a.k.a Biggie Smalls a.k.a Biggie a.k.a. The Black Frank White. I am of the opinion that he was the greatest rapper of all time. Pour out some beverage for the man or listen to some of his music today. Or better yet, purchase a full sized poster or t-shirt of his first album cover, Ready To Die, with the picture of the baby in a diaper with an afro and let me know where you got it because I've been searching for that shit for years.
RIP Big
posted by ACK @ 12:50 PM
3 Comments:
Here are some more headlines:
man dies after more than 50 shots to the throat
search for worm lands man sleeping with them
competition gives liquor license to kill
Tequila contest offers bonus embalming to winner
Ooo, ooo, I've got some funny ones, pick me, pick me. Hey! Hey Adam, over here, over here. Listen to my headlines, they're really funny:
"Alcohol Poisoning Poisons a Guy and He Dies From The Poisoning And You Can Find Out More Information in My Article Right Here Underneath This Headline"
"A Guy Drank A Lot of Drinks and Then It Turned Out He Had Too Many And I'll Tell You How Many If you Read My Good Written Article Right Here"
"Be Careful Because Too Much Alcohol Also Known As Tequila Can Kill You Like This Guy in My Article"
"50 Is a Big Number of Shots of Alcohol To Take And If You Don't Believe It Just Read My Article Yeah This One Thank You"
The only poster I have seen is at New Releases on Conventry. There is no way Vince will give it up. Remember when it was great to get an album the Friday before the Tuesday release date? With piracy now we get it months before - gotta love the internet.
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