Mr. Ethical-Kelly

If I ever become a journalist I’m going to pride myself on having no journalistic integrity when it comes to honoring “off the record” comments. My sources may get furious with me, but they should know better than to reveal something they don’t want made public to a journalist who so easily could’ve been crossing his fingers when he said “I assure you , this is off the record.” Do you think it makes a witness look suspicious when while testifying he or she asks “are we on or off the record?” before answering a prosecutors question? A friend of mine used me as a reference when he applied for a summer job with the State Department of Justice, and I got a call from some government official asking me about his loyalty to the US etc. It took all of the minute amount of will power I posses not to ask if we were on or off the record before I responded.

The Sunday Times magazine has a section called The Ethicist, where people write letters to Randy Cohen seeking advice on their ethical quandaries. Inspired by Cohen, I decided to solicit my friends’ ethical dilemmas hoping that once I weighed in on the issue they would have a clearer sense of how to proceed. Enjoy the first installment of Ask Mr. Ethical-Kelly

Dear Mr. Ethical-Kelly: At my apartment building the mailboxes are too small to fit a newspaper, thus the residents who subscribe must collect their paper from a pile outside the main entrance. Often papers are left unread well into the evening, and sometimes for several days. I realize that the papers aren’t mine, but at what point can I safely assume that the rightful owner of the paper isn’t going to collect his or her paper and that there is no sense having it go to waste?

Sincerely,

Donnie Newshound

Donnie: How fucking cheap are you? Either subscribe to the damn paper yourself or if you want to pinch pennies read the on-line edition, which you can probably access from the high-speed connection you illegally spliced off of your neighbor’s roadrunner wiring. Take it from the good book: Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s periodicals. You disgust me.

Oozing disdain,

Mr. Ethical-Kelly

Feel free to write into the comment with your ethical hang-ups and Mr. Ethical-Kelly will address them in an upcoming edition.

Time to go for a run and steal a copy of today's Times from in front of my building for the subway ride over to the East River Path. Anybody know of any fun 10K’s in the coming months?