Today's daily helping of humble pie

I know the ever-shrinking handful of you out there are beginning to sincerely doubt the hyphen, but I'm here to give you a little taste of what you've been hungering for. Open wide, here come the cheetos.

Alright, so I can't give you exactly what you're craving but maybe some of these jokes I wrote for Friday Night with Greg Giraldo that failed to make it "on air" as we like to say, will amuse you slightly. I'll start you off with a steady diet of Happy Ending news, a segment where we put positive twists on stories that are bad news. Like so:

Bad news for for sexy businesswomen: A study in the Psychology of Women Quarterly finds that a sexy self-presentation with high-heels, a tight skirt and a low-cut blouse makes people perceive businesswoman as less competent. The good news is...
if you’re really career driven, you don’t have to worry about dressing sexy because men are going to be too threatened by your success to go after you anyway.

A 56 year old Pennsylvania woman was charged with trying to poison her adult daughter and her daughter’s family this week after allegedly pouring bleach into their macaroni and cheese. The good news is... that macaroni pot has never been cleaner! (fine, I'll admit bleach isn't necessarily an effective dish detergent but you don't have to get all logical on me)

According to a recent study conducted by researchers at three major universities 13 percent of athletes ages 9-15 admitted to trying to hurt their opponents. The good news is…These kids are pretty young, so there is still hope that the remaining 87 percent of the softies will strap on a pair, and learn to go for the jugular. (see how I went the other direction with that one, that's what I like to call a "going the other direction with that one joke")

Stan Berenstain co-author of over 250 Berenstain Bear children’s books died this weekend at the age of 82. The good news is…his widow Jan Berenstain will keep the series going with the upcoming book ‘Mama Bear finally diddles the 30 year old publishing agent.” (Brother bear, sister bear, oh my goodness, what are you guys doing home from school so early, this isn't what it looks like.)

I could slap a whole bunch more up here, but since I seem to be writing so infrequently I better not deplete my reserves. Heck, I'll even write some more tomorrow.

Enjoy the waning moments of November.

xoxo Adam