My Debut Rap Single

Hey Believe the Hy-fans, how are you today? I’m doing real, real good. I wrote that just to send shivers up the spines of the grammar police patrolling this site -a.k.a. my mom. So based upon the wild success of the SNL skit Lazy Sunday- which for those of you who didn’t see it, was a rap performed by Chris Parnell and Andy Samberg about going to see The Chronicles of Narnia and other assorted randomness- I can tell that goofy white guy rap is about to blow up. I’ve long since been a fan of hip-hop and have used rapping as a comedic device in the past on several occasions. However, I feel conflicted now that it appears to be en vogue comedy-wise. On the one hand if I write a silly rap some will perceive me as a bandwagon hopper honor (okay so they probably would spell it onner not honor, but spelling it as honor softens the blow slightly) but on the other hand I feel that if writing raps is something I enjoy doing, and if the masses are craving funny raps who am I to disappoint them? All things considered, I gots to spit this hit right hurr.

SAY CHEESE!

Say Cheese, say cheese, but I ain’t snapping no picture
I just follow good dairy as if it that stuff were the scripture
But I only get religious when it comes to my Cheddar
And I’m not talking bout money, my palate wants something better
Gimme Havarti to start the party- that’s never whack
But just in case, you know out back I keep a stack of Jack
Monterrey or Pepper- hey! I always eat it shredded
If cheese could serve as troops my ass would always be embedded
I would Brie all I could Brie in the US Army
With Edam bombs and Meunster spears you know they can’t disarm me
All that I can do is hope that you won’t be a hater
So let me grab that Swiss you got and rub it on my grater”
It’s time to eat some cheese ya’ll, I’m a lactose tolerater (echo effect on rater)

Say C to the H double E, S-E
I’m slicing up this rhyme like a brick of Col-by
I say C to the H double E, S- E
The government is down they hand this stuff out for free

Say C to the H double E, S-E
I’m slicing up this rhyme like a brick of Col-by
I said C to the H, double E, S-E
The government gets down when they hand this out for free

You wanna learn about this game? Just let me be your tudor
But quit smoking that Buddah, how bout we hit this smoked Gouda?
Now they loving me down south from Hot-lanta to the Nola
I always represent with a wedge of Gorganzola
To all my queso-gente throw your hands up in the a-ir
And holla like you mean it for a hunk of that Gruyere
I hate to get graphic but I’m down on my knees
I gotta see a strip tease so go and peel that string cheese
String cheese, bitch please I’m not talking ‘bout that band
Polly-O- Oh no! You know that’s my brand
Check it, even when it’s sunny out you might need your umbrella
Cause when you least expect it, it starts rainin’ Mozzarella (echo effect on rella)

Let it rain, let it rain, now hit that refrain

Say C to the H, double E, S-E
It tastes so good when melted, wouldn’t you agree?
I say C to the H double E, S-E
Sheep’s or goat’s or cow’s milk- doesn’t matter to me

The flow is getting hotter cause I just bought a lot a
That creamy wet Ricotta- Lasagna foes get nada
I get fed right with Feta all over my Greek salad
And now I got to shout out Pecorino on this ballad

(Beat drops out and this is chanted by an ensemble)

Pec, Pec, Pec-Orino with some Vino
Pec Pec, Pec-Orino what does he know?
(At this juncture in the music video I would be lounging at a wine bar eating some insane Pecorino and I would be looking skeptically at the sommelier as he recommends some wines for me to drink with my delicious cheese, hence the “what does he know?” line)

With cheese you’re never alone, you’re only provolone
It just goes on and on, I’m like the Parmesean Don
Sprinkled on the spaghetti, that’s how my pasta gets ready
I’m steady banging out tracks, and steady peeling that wax
But now it’s time to relax, this cracka needs some cheese snacks

Nibble, Nibble ya’ll- nibble nibble

Say C to the H, double E, S-E
I will eat all the cheese that you offer to me
I said C to the H, double E, S-E
Do I care for more Chevres? Oh most definitely

Say C to the H, double E, S-E
I just sliced this whole rhyme like a brick of Col-by
I said C to H, double E, S-E
They call me ACK, for Adam Cole-Kelly


Say Cheese mutha suckas, one of the biggest hit singles since Kraft Americans!

You better recognize, sometimes it’s pasteurized

Big shout out to Wisconsin, America’s Dairy Land, Cheeseheads stay heads up, ya heard?

Baby Swiss, daddy loves you, and Manchego, you’re still my favorite, boy-boy!

So many varieties- but it’s just one love and I’m out. Say Cheese! Peace!