SoCo and Laughs

Hey friends. Did you miss me? I sure missed the heck out of you-sorry for my potty mouth; I guess after this tour I'm used to being around a group of other comedians who don't offend easily when I say things like heck, dang and sheesh! Anyhoover Dam the tour was awesome. I met some esteemed Southern gentleman and ate some delicious Southern treats. The audiences were captive and friendly in Nashville and Birmingham. Atlanta was a bit more of a tug of war with the audiences’ attention, but all in all every stop had more than its fair share of memorable moments. Huge thanks to the Family Reunion Tour headliners Andy Stuckey and John Murray who delighted the crowds with musical mastery and lyrical hilarity.

I've got what feels like an endless stock of amusing anecdotes from my travels, but I'll start by spinning this yarn about the very first leg of my trip.

I don't know how many people have had the distinct pleasure of taking the Long Island Rail Road from Penn Station to Ronkonkoma, but trust me when I tell you it's a pleasure unparalleled in North American rail travel. During my 90 minute ride I was fortunate to have this enormous woman sitting across the aisle from me who absolutely refused to stop talking for one whole minute for the entire duration of the commute. I'm not suggesting that this woman would have been any less annoying had she been of average weight, but let's just say her obesity didn't win her any brownie points. Among the many highlights of her incessant babble one greasy McNugget of wisdom stood out in particular. To an unfortunate, disinterested guy sitting next to her she said: "Football? Who wants to watch a bunch of grown men beat each other up over a stupid ball?"

First of all, I think pretty much everyone enjoys watching grown men beat each other up, regardless of what it's over-be it a stupid ball, corn chips, recyclables or Velcro. Any way you slice it grown man fights are riveting.

I must agree with her though that footballs are stupid. They consistently score lower on standardized tests than any other ball. You cannot teach them a lick. In case you were wondering Koosh balls are the smartest. Those squishy suckers can flat out test-take.

Moreover what rendered this comment so utterly worthless to me is that anyone can reduce any activity into something seemingly unimpressive and unappealing. Not just any sport, anything, even the most "beautiful" things. For example: "Going to see your daughter give birth to her first born? Who wants to watch some uber-dialated vagina spit-up a blood-encrusted screaming alien-on-a-rope? That doesn't sound very miraculous to me."

I don't really feel that way about the miracle of life, I'm merely proving a point to strengthen my argument against this incorrigible train yapper-did I mention she was not slender?

I apologize if I'm being a little acid-tongued. I don't annoy easily, but I think I loathed that woman during those 90 minutes more than I've ever loathed another human... and I went to grade school with Stalin.

Anyway, that takes me to West Islip where I caught my flight to Nashville. I'll try to come up with some fun memories from the Volunteer state, Birmingham and Hotlanta in the days the come.

It's so humid today even taking a cold shower is a sticky situation.

Look at me. Look at me. I'll never leave you for a week without warning like that ever again. I promise. Don't look away, I'm not finished. I promise. Shhhh. It's okay. I'm back now. I’m back.