Bad news, Mendoza, you've just been cut!

I don't know if you guys have seen the preview for the movie The Prestige, but if I understand the premise correctly Christian Bale's character is unbelievably lame. If he can actually do real magic as the trailer suggests, why in the world would he choose to be a magician? Think outside the box a little bit, Bale's character. Use your real magic powers to become something a little cooler than a magician. Better yet, don't work. I'm sure your magic can get you whatever you want. How lame would it be if Superman was just a weightlifter? Not a precise analogy, but you get the point. It's a waste.

I think pretending a banana is a phone is way funnier than it gets credit for, especially if somebody is talking to you and you interrupt them to say "I'm sorry, I have to take this." Then when you answer the banana it's best to carry on a conversation of preposterous seriousness. Along the lines of: "Yes, this is he.... Of course I know her, sir, she's my grandmother... What? I don't care what disease your intelligence says she's stolen the cure for, that's pure speculation... Standard procedure my rear end, you better not feed her any calamari, you hear me? None! I'm on my way." Or something.

Crazy story from the University of Nothern Colorado football team If you don't feel like clicking on the link, I'll reward your unfathomable laziness by giving you a synopsis. The backup punter Mitch Cozad snuck up on the starting punter Rafeal Mendoza in a parking lot and stabbed Mendoza in his kicking leg. And while even the most casual sports fan knows that starting at punter for the University of Northern Colorado is one of, if not the most coveted position in the world of sports- with second leg of the Belgian 4 x 110 meter men's high hurdle relay team at the goodwill games being the other contender- I'm still astonished that Cozad would follow through with such a dastardly deed. Here's the thing though. Police investigating the case seem to think Cozad's motive was his desire to ascend to starting punter. I'm not buying it. Clearly Cozad knew he would eventually be apprehended and booted from the team (with great hang time). Why then, would he commit such a henious act? Alls I'm saying is I don't think it's a coincidence that the third string punter invited his entire family to come to the next home game if you know what I mean. And it would be more than a little bit suspicious if the father of the third string punter- now set to be the new starter- owned an appliance store of some sort and if Mitch Cozad was seen hours before the stabbing hauling a brand new washer and dryer into his dorm room. Now if somebody at the University of Northern Colorado could just look into that and see if any of that stuff happened or if the team even carries three punters, we might have a pretty solid case on our hands.