Nothing like a good time machine prank

Long time no write. I was busy getting engaged. (It was a shamelessly elaborate six week proposal which, fortunately for me, ended in a "yes." The question being will you marry me if I end this 41-day event?) Anyway, here is where we're registered. Like I always say, there's no such thing as too much Trident.

So this weekend, to celebrate my mom's 60th birthday we're having a party for her in the city. In addition to eating, drinking and maybe some dancing, my mom has requested that I perform some stand up. Awesome, right? Finally, my big break has arrived. Who needs an HBO special or a sitcom based on your material when you can deliver jokes to a room full of 25 baby boomers in the backroom of an Italian restaurant. I'm working on some hilarious stuff about how impossible it is to program your VCR to record the Jon Stewart program. I'll probably close with my big "Ain't osteoperosis a bitch?" bit. It usually kills with this demographic. I'll let you know how it goes if you miss the recap on Entertainment Tonight.

If I gained access to a time machine the first thing I would do is call my friend who is really into art and say "hey man, you're never gonna believe this but I've got a time machine and I'm going to take you back to meet the guy who made mona lisa smile." My friend would get all excited and say how amazing this is going to be and carry on about how this is the most famous painting of all time etc. etc. Then we'd swim into the time machine (it's in the pool at the YMCA- don't ask)and I'd take my friend to three weeks ago in LA and introduce him to Mike Newell, the director of that shitty movie Mona Lisa Smile starring an infinite number of young actresses. Talk about getting someone good, right? I know.

Wish me luck at my mom's party. Bye.