Possible Misadventure

Things here at blogger seem to be a little haywire- and not in a helpful, maintaining- the-structural-integrity-of-a-bale type way. I'm not sure what this post is going to look like, or if it's even going to work. But a fear of things not working out didn't stop the Crocodile Hunter from living life to the fullest nor did it stop Cory Lidle from flying a small plane on a day with low visibility, so I'm going to plow ahead fearlessly.

If seven more or less topical jokes (within the last couple weeks) is your idea of a way to beat the dreary Friday blues, I can't really help you out. But if six is a working start, well, here's a working start.

Enjoy:

A Japanese man recited pi to 100,000 decimal places from memory on Wednesday, setting what he claims to be a new world record. Unfortunately, nobody has verified the man’s claim because that would entail double checking 100,000 decimal places. (100,000 decimal places should be hilariously italicized)

Robin Williams recently revealed that a "little quiet voice" in his head pushed him back to drinking after 20 years of sobriety, marking the first time Robin Williams and ‘quiet voice’ have ever been used in the same sentence.

During Tuesday's episode of the O'Reilly Factor, former Representative Mark Foley was mistakenly labeled a Democrat 3 times. Afterwards a spokesman for Fox News issued a statement apologizing for casting Mr. Foley in such a negative light.

In Provo, Utah, 21 year old newlywed Julianne Myers claims that on the eve of her wedding her parents drove her 240 miles to Colorado, tried to talk her out of the nuptials and didn’t bring her back to Provo until she had missed her originally scheduled ceremony. Her parents are now facing felony kidnapping charges as well as really awkward Thanksgivings with their son-in-law.

Samsung recently introduced a new phone aimed at senior citizens called the Jitterbug. Senior friendly features include large, easily read buttons and bill payments accepted in $5 check installments.

It was reported this week that a teenage boy in India wed a hill so he could break a curse that a goddess put on his mom. As a result of the marriage the boy is now suffering from his own curse: grass stained balls. (cause he did it with the hill, get it?)

I realize I have exceeded my adjective limit for this post. I hope everybody has a weekend.

Y! did I write all of that?

I recently (accidentally) installed a yahoo toolbar on my computer and now random Y! symbols keep popping up all over the place when I'm typing and doing other computer related tasks. I just highlighted that first sentence of this post, in preparation for deleting it- as exciting of a tidbit as my recent toolbar installation is, I figured I might be able to produce something slightly juicier to entice visitors to read on- but then a drop down menu appeared which gave me the option of translating the selected text into English. I figure that Yahoo! is so predisposed to excitement and fun- as evidenced by the company name and choice of punctuation- that they don't understand boring stuff like lame blog introductory sentences, and therefore assume them to be another language.

In the unlikely event that you were able to follow that idiotic paragraph through the maze of run-on sentences you may be wondering aloud "Why would Yahoo! think a sentence in which you discuss their new toolbar is lame?" First of all, don't talk to yourself when you read my blog, I don't want any crazies believing the hyphen. Secondly, I wrote that I accidentally installed the Y!-bar and as soon as I disrespected the 'hoo! like that, I was totally dead to them.

And to think, I only wanted to mention the toolbar as a means to segue into the joke that I'm about to write. Talk about a waste of all of our time-particularly mine.

So speaking of Yahoo! They are sponsoring a time capsule project that will attempt to communicate with extraterrestrials. From now until October 25th "enthusiasts" are invited to send text images, videos and sounds that reflect human nature to Teotihuacan, Mexico where the materials will be digitized and beamed with a laser into space. We won't necessarily find out if there's intelligent life out there, just life that gets a kick out of the Fat Kid on Bungee Ride clip.

For enduring that miserable preamble about the Y! toolbar you've earned one more joke. Congratulations.

This is a really awful story. A 27 year old mother in Erie, PA recently swung and hit her boyfriend with the couple's 4 week old baby during a fight. The mother, who had been drinking, says she was throwing all sorts of objects at her boyfriend and insists she didn't realize she had picked up her son by the legs and struck her boyfriend with the baby's head until after it happened. And I believe her, because let's face it, at 4 weeks a baby's skull is still way too soft to make a decent weapon.

Well, on that take-your-breath-away-offensive joke I will bid you all farewell.