Black History Month Powers bring NCAA Tournament Hours

What up pencils? That's my new word for people I like-pencil. If you really pop the p at the beginning and pronounce it more like "pin-sull" it's pretty awesome. Try it out. Seriously, say it out loud, right now, wherever you are. Run with it, but don't run with real pencils because that can lead to puncture wounds. lead poisoning and even worse: broken pin-sulls.

I hope everybody is making the most of their last few hours of black history month. Don't worry, I'm not just encouraging you to do so, I'm also watching a DVD of the fifth season of Moesha. Say what you will about her pending vehicular manslaughter case, but that Brandy can act!

The end of black history month is always bittersweet for me. While I can no longer look forward to fifteen second tributes to black pioneers like traffic light inventor Garrett Augustus Morgan on my local CBS affiliate, the end of February also means March has arrived with the promise of the world's greatest annual sporting event. Though I easily could be referring to the Croatian International Badminton Tournament which kicks off tomorrow in Zagreb, I'm actually talking about the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament.

This year, I'm particularly obsessed with college basketball because my alma mater, The University of Wisconsin, is having the best season in the school's history. Hooray Badgers! Boo their opponents! The week leading up to the tournament I'm going to lend all of you my expertise and pick every game for you, including a brief explanation of the pick. All I ask in return is half of your earnings from the pool you will undoubtedly win if you heed my advice.

To get you in the NCAA tourney mood I'm going to offer up some Bubble Awards. All Bubble Award recipients play for teams that currently find themselves on the bubble- which, for the uninitiated, means they are teams that are not locks to be selected for the tournament but have a shot to make it even if they don't automatically qualify by winning their conference tournament. I suppose if you don't know what that means that's probably a good indication that you couldn't give one single shit. My apologies for the explanation. Moving on then.

2007 BUBBLE AWARDS

Least likely to change name when he stars in Adult Films- Dex Manswell, Jr. F, Missouri State Dex may be averaging less than four minutes per game, but that's all the time he needs once his manswell gets swollen.

Most Materialistic Parents- Cartier Martin, Sr. F, Kansas St.
"That sure is a nice looking baby you've got there Mrs. Martin." "Why thank you, it's a Cartier."

Public Address Announcer Endurance Tester- Pierre Marie Altidor-Cespedes, Jr. G, Gonzaga Every time he shoots, the PA announcer has to drink some water in preparation for making it through all ten syllables of that name. When tagging on "for three" beware of hyperventilation.

Least Intimidating Player Name- Nana Ampim Jr. G, UMASS
Perhaps the reason he's only played in two games is because his first name is a common term of affection used for grandmothers and his last name also sounds like something you would call grandma-spelled backwards. "Thanks for the five dollar check, mipma!"

Least Intimidating Team Nickname- Providence Friars
Not to be confused with Monks, Friars are called to a life of poverty in service to a community, rather than cloistered asceticism and devotion. Yikes, sounds like those guys can ball!

(Honorable mention to the Purdue Boilermakers. I can't decide which is more imposing- the textbook skilled steel craftsmen definition or the colloquial shot of whiskey in a beer. )

Congratulations to all the winners. Come see them honored in person at the Believe the Hyphen Bubble Awards Banquet Thursday April 12th at the Times Square Applebees. First 500 guests receive a free Baja Potato Boat.