First Round Gold

The NCAA tournament kicks off tonight with the play-in game as the Purple Eagles of Niagra try to get their talons around the Rattlers ofFlorida A&M . It’s winner take all and by all I mean a sound thrashing from Kansas on Friday. I should also mention that I can’t be sure that “Purple Eagles” even have talons. Either way, talon is a pretty sweet word. I wish we humans could call our digits talons although talon-banging sounds kind of harsh.

Anydoogiehowsermd, I’m picking the Purple Eagles to take care of business of tonight. Six of their players got suspended earlier this season as a result of an incident in which they dragged a pitcher on the Niagara baseball team out of his van and beat the poop out of him. I’m not condoning violence, particularly within your own collegiate athletics program, but the type of unity those players displayed in carrying out such an idiotic act shows me that this team is cohesive, ergo Niagara by 8.

Now for my first round picks and accompanying explanations. I’ll start in the Midwest:


Jackson State over Florida. I picked this game based on the answer to a pretty straightforward question: Which team was able to beat a pretty crappy Rutgers squad this year? Sorry defending champs, I don’t see a W over Rutgers on your resume. Buh-bye! Arizona over Purdue. The 8-9 game is often a toss-up so sometime you have to look past the x’s and o’s and decide which coach has a better head of hair. Purdue’s Matt Painter or Arizona’s Lute Olson? No contest.

Old Dominion over Butler. The 5-12 game is always ripe for the upset. This one features two mid-major at large teams. The key factor is that this game is being played in Buffalo, NY. Butler’s leading scorer, A.J. Graves, threw up when he went on a class trip to Niagara Falls in 6th grade. Back in the area, it’ll be puke city all over again for Albert Jermaine or whoever the man hiding behind those initials really is.

Maryland over Davidson. Aggravated by the mass confusion among college basketball analysts about whether the pronunciation of his first name rhymes with the word Even or the word Steppin’, Davidson super-frosh Stephen Curry will be unable to lead the Wildcats past super athletic crack baby DJ Strawberry and the Terps.

Winthrop over Notre Dame. Everybody’s favorite Cinderella pick, the Eagles, will steal the luck from the Irish when the team manager breaks into Notre Dames locker room right before tip-off and swipes Collin Falls’ ipod -don’t get all upset, the manager is white. Without the soothing tunes of Fergie to get him through halftime Falls won’t be able to find his range in the second half and Winthrop will squeak out a victory.

Oregon over Miami (Ohio). You simply cannot coach lack of height and that’s exactly what Oregon’s electric freshman Tajuan Porter brings to the court every time. The cold blooded 5’6” downtown assassin will kill three pointer after three pointer until the game is literally dead- especially for Miami of Ohio.

UNLV over Georgia Tech. This is a rematch of the 1990 national semifinals, a game which UNLV won 90-81. Georgia Tech’s two best players, Javaris Crittenton and Thaddeus Young, are both freshman who were like two years old when that game took place so there is no way they have a proper historical appreciation of the stakes at hand. Runnin’ Rebels advance.

Wisconsin over Texas A&M- Corpus Christi. On the one hand TAMU-CC is fun to say and my friend BA went to high school with a kid named Tamu (sp?) to whom he's probably forwarded an email or two- so the stars seem to be aligning for TAMU-CC. On the other hand BA and I both went to Wisconsin and I was born there and I’ll definitely cry if the Badgers lose this game so I’m going to have to go with Wisconsin.

I’ll dissect another region later tonight with equally sound analysis. Until then enjoy Niagara’s victory of Florida A&M. Time to get the mid out and take a look at the straight up West.