Didn't get much color, huh?

People are sensitive about a lot of different things- having bad breath, the recent death of a family member, their ballooning weight etc. But what I've never understood is why white people are so sensitive about being tan after a vacation. Anytime a co-worker or friend questions your lack of tan after you've been someplace sunny, your immediate internal reaction is "fuck you!" You get legitimately angry. Then you either make a lame effort to point out the extra two freckles on your nose or you offer up some excuse, either about how you were tan but it faded or something about how the weather sucked. Why? Why can't we just own up to wearing too much sun screen, or deliberately staying out of the sun for fear of skin cancer? Why do we have so much stubborn pride about our vacation tanning? It's as if we feel compelled to defend the fact that we actually went on the trip. Forget your online photo album or boarding pass, rosy cheeks and a peeling nose is the only hard evidence that will really prove you were there. Crazy white vacation takers!

I fear that rant missed the exit for Ha-Ha Avenue and just kept cruising along the Mildly Interesting Point Expressway. Once I realized I missed Ha-Ha Ave I could've gotten off and backtracked to Ha-Ha but I would've had to take the Vomit out of Boredom Turnpike to get there and I didn't want to do that to you guys. Luckily the MIP Expressway turned into the Awful Extended Metaphor Interstate, so it should be a smooth ride from here on out. Rats! Apparently I spoke to soon. I'm hitting some heavy congestion. It looks like a lot of people are heading to Somebody Take A Nail Gun To My Trachea Before I Have To Endure Anymore Of This Bullshit County Road. If the next exit has an Arby's I'll just get off there. Sweet, there is an Arby's. Time to get my Roast Beef on.

Later Lollipops (instead of suckers, get it? You heard it here first.)